Looking Beyond the Stress: Finding Growth in Life’s Changes- Part 1

Change is inevitable, but growth is optional.

We are all familiar with the aphorism: The only constant in life is change. And it is a true-ism that change is inevitable, but growth is optional.  Or said differently: No growth without change. But how we navigate the transitions inherent to the change process will determine whether the result is lasting transformation.

Transition is the inner process of letting go of the old reality and integrating a new identity; and transformation is the personal growth that emerges from that process of releasing and realigning.

Through my work as a life coach, as well as in my own lived experience, I have observed a repeatable pattern of the stages we go through between a shift in the status quo (whether self-initiated or not), and the settling-in at a new place with new, practiced responses, perspectives, and ways of being.

My desire is to share the model that has evolved over many years of life coaching, so as to add to your toolbox for successfully navigating the requisite transitions that come with life’s inevitable changes.

But before I share the dynamic model of the transitions inside of transformation, let me invite you into a personal reflection on an extended season of transitions that over time—though not neatly or painlessly—became transformative for me.

The stage was set: We moved from Ohio, where we had been born, raised, and married, to our dreamland - Durango, Colorado. It was a perfect match for so many of our passions - fly-fishing, mountain biking, Nordic skiing, camping...the list goes on. But a crucial statistic that we unknowingly underestimated became my undoing. Durango is a mountain town that comes with an altitude that will test anyone’s oxygen uptake and delivery systems.

Turns out that for this body, living at 7400 feet was comparable to being high-risk for skin cancer and living in Florida.

What began as some seemingly unrelated bouts of horrific headaches, shoulder and neck pain, nausea, vision and sleep issues, and overall feeling of malaise turned into over a decade of tests and specialists to finally land at the crushing truth: I was dealing with Chronic Mountain Sickness (CMS).  (For my purpose here, I will stay out of the brutally complex journey of diagnosis with all of the accompanying clinical terminology.)

You are probably familiar with the concept of altitude (or climbers’) sickness - where you have these initial symptoms as the body tries to adjust to the drastic cardiopulmonary changes that come with the thin mountain air. Normally, the body acclimates in a few days, and you go back to feeling well. That never happened for me. My body was unable to make the necessary adjustments to alleviate the symptoms that slowly but surely was eating away at my quality of life.

As an Enneagram Type 3, (with the false sense of self => set goals + achieve + perform = be loved), I just kept upping the workout intensity/frequency button and waited for my body to buck up. I lived in ‘press mode’. And no one but my husband saw the true cost - and even he wasn’t awake to observe when I was up all night because of level-nine pain, crying out to God for some relief, some answers, some hope.

I’ll never forget a statement one of my dear friends made when she was asking probing questions about my condition and the picture of my suffering was becoming clearer to her.

You are the healthiest sick person I have ever known!

The sober truth in her exclamation unfolded very slowly for this self-reliant, over-functioning Type 3, so practiced at doing that she barely noticed how deeply she was hurting.  You see, I was still performing in the various quadrants of my life - still running our household while life coaching, entertaining clients and guests, and participating in all of the outdoor activities that had brought us to Colorado. I wasn’t ready to acknowledge my limitations, even to myself, let alone my husband or friends. Just try harder! Buck up! Be positive!

Meanwhile, my prayers were all about being rescued - first from the symptoms. When that didn’t happen in the first ten years of living there, my supplication moved to being rescued from the place of my pain. But as it would happen, all of my husband’s attempts to get a job at a lower altitude ended in closed doors. I had to accept I was staying in this place that made me sick.

It was during this excruciating time of walking out my sentence of living in this paradoxical place, where my paradise had become my prison, that I finally came to the end of myself. I hit the wall, I came unraveled, I was completely flattened. Laid out on the floor next to our bed, I soaked the carpet with my tears and wailed my surrender to the heavens.

Finally, I was ready to turn my focus to what needed to change inside of me - no matter the location of my residence.

What followed was not immediate clarity. It was disorientation. I had surrendered—but I did not yet know who I was becoming. The old self that prided herself on endurance and output was clearly unsustainable, yet the new self had not taken shape. I felt suspended between identities: no longer able to force my body into compliance, but unsure how to live without the engine of performance driving me.

The altitude had not changed. My diagnosis had not changed. My prayers for relocation had not been answered the way I hoped. And so I sat in the in-between—where nothing external shifted, yet something internal was quietly loosening.

There is a peculiar discomfort in that space - liminal space. You are no longer who you were, but you cannot yet articulate who you are becoming. It requires staying present without rushing toward resolution. And that, for someone wired like me, felt like its own form of discipline.

And so, the surrender had come. The softening happened. The receptivity started to form. All of this while my body still punished me for the lack of easy oxygen.

Cliff-hanger alert! ...Stay tuned... In Part 2 next week, I’ll share the rest of this personal story and the Transformation Model, hopefully to encourage and equip you wherever you are on your arrow.

If you would like to follow me on this adventure, and receive notice whenever I post something new, please subscribe. (It’s simple – at the top and bottom of every page on the Perils & Pearls blog site. *No need to be a 'member.')

**A word about POSTING COMMENTS: I LV engaging with your feedback/responses to my writings! But, if you run into tech obstacles when trying to post a comment, please feel free to do as so many of you have done: Send me a private message using the "Let's Chat" option on the Perils & Pearls Home Page.

And if you know people who would benefit from the support, and/or enjoy the short writings, please share the site or a post with them. Heck, just share it on your social media…Let’s grow it together! 

Blessed to play a part ~

g

The Invasion From Glory

In these days before the celebration of Christ’s birth, I wanted to share a gift with you. I have recently found myself drawn to the writings of a minister and author whose unassuming humility and graciousness belie the depth of his scholarship and insight. Michael Sprague’s LinkedIn posts are consistently thoughtful, edifying and bring a new perspective to a scripture or topic that may not be new, or possibly even so familiar as to seem cliché in meaning.

Here, with his permission, I am sharing a recent writing he posted about the timing of the “Invasion from Glory” relative the that particular local culture and what was going on in the world at large in that time. I came away not only enlightened by some historical facts, but also enlarged in my view of God, and reminded of how His timing is layered with meaning and purposes far beyond what we see, correlate or comprehend.

Have a read and be blessed. And may your Christmas be filled with His love, peace and joy.

PREPARING THE NURSERY: There is a lot to love about the Christmas season: lights, trees, family, faith and music. I just saw the list of the 100 top Christmas songs. "Chestnuts Roasting on an Open Fire" was #8. "Grandma Got Run Over by a Reindeer" was in the top 20. Sorry grandmas! Can you guess the #1 Christmas song?

Silent Night! which was written in 1818. Between the end of the Old Testament and beginning of the New Testament there were many Silent Nights. 400 years’ worth. No prophets. No new messages. Silence. In most of our Bibles there is one blank page between Malachi and Matthew. It is referred to as the intertestamental period or the 400 years of silence.

Maybe you have been going through dark times and Silent Nights. It is during these times when God is SILENT we must remember He is not STILL, and we lean into his SOVEREIGNTY. Oh how God was busy during those 400 silent years rearranging the world stage for the arrival of Jesus.

I was reading Galatians 4:4a today and was blown away, “But when the fullness of time was come, God sent forth His son.” God readied the nursery in Bethlehem for a baby to rescue people from their sins. The dots all connected with a convergence of circumstances that would rock the world and quickly spread the Good News.

Here are five keys on how the world was prepared for the Invasion from Glory:

1. COMMON LANGUAGE - Koine, the common Greek Language permeated the empire so people, both great and common, could easily communicate.

2. ROADS - 55,000 miles of roads were paved to create pathways for commerce and communication, including the gospel.

3. PAX ROMANO - The Peace of Rome provided a time of relative quiet peace in human history.

4. SYNAGOGUES - The emergence of the synagogue system of local worship centers throughout the empire provided a built-in launchpad for Jesus, Paul, and others to announce the Good News. 

5. INTERNATIONAL HIGHWAY - The number one rule of real estate is Location, Location, Location. God positioned Israel as the Landbridge to three continents: Africa, Asia, and Europe. Commerce, trade, and travel in the ancient world went right through Israel and in particular the headquarters of Jesus in Capernaum. The nations could make money and hear about the Living God.

Only God! What timing. The stage was set. The fullness of time had come. The world would never be the same. Outwardly, it would have looked like the Roman Empire had the same problems and wickedness that characterizes our day, but the Father was working. He is equally at work in our times and in your life and mine. How might He use the internet? Times of Turmoil? Your job? The ability to travel? International students coming to our campuses?

Remember - when God seems SILENT, He is not STILL and we need to lean into his SOVEREIGNTY.

To consider...

 Where in your life are you experiencing “silent nights,” and how might God be actively at work behind the scenes even when you cannot see or hear Him?

  What circumstances, resources, or relationships in your current season might be part of God “preparing the nursery” for something you do not yet fully understand?

  When God feels silent, what does it look like for you to lean into His sovereignty rather than trying to regain control through your own efforts?

**My offers of support: If you contact me via ‘chat w/ me’ on Perils & Pearls, I will gift you a thirty-minute coaching session to talk about how you might develop your resilience through the struggle(s) you are currently facing.

**And if you have been stirred to further explore your unique wiring – strengths, passions, challenges - & you would like to experience a strength assessment with a certified life coach, I invite you to contact me.

If you would like to follow me on this adventure, and receive notice whenever I post something new, please subscribe. (It’s simple – at the top and bottom of every page on the Perils & Pearls blog site. *No need to be a 'member.')

**A word about POSTING COMMENTS: I LV engaging with your feedback/responses to my writings! But, if you run into tech obstacles when trying to post a comment, please feel free to do as so many of you have done: Send me a private message using the "Let's Chat" option on the Perils & Pearls Home Page.

And if you know people who would benefit from the support, and/or enjoy the short writings, please share the site or a post with them. Heck, just share it on your social media…Let’s grow it together! 

Blessed to play a part ~

g

Part 5: Breaking the Loop—12 Strategies to Shift Fear-Based Patterns

You can change your relationship with your thoughts

This is my final writing in a series of posts re: fear loops. Together, these 5 short pieces build a cohesive journey: 

Recognizing the loop → Understanding your biology → Clarifying the emotions → Reframing your thoughts → Practicing strategies

This last post will get to the strategies, that when practiced, can guide you from stepping out of the fear loop to nurturing resilience and reframing the pain into purpose. (*Go here if you would like to read the other 4 parts of this series.)

Circle back with me to the situation I opened this series with: The family crisis of my husband quitting his job unexpectedly. What if, when Jim came home early to announce he had resigned, I was already educated, aware and practiced at responding to the activation of my threat-based emotional response system with the understandings and tools I have since learned?

For someone wired like me, that type of reflection can easily slip into thoughts of waste, failure, defeat...(Uh oh, another loop trying to form?!) But also in my inner coding is the thing I can’t not do: encourage others and bring hope. Seen through that lens, I now recognize purpose in the pain: an opportunity to model our family values to our children regarding turning to our faith in God and trusting He has a good plan for us, will provide everything we need, and will work all things together for our good and His purposes. 

This in turn, can strengthen our resilience, individually and as a family, for future challenges; and increase our empathic response for supporting others during their challenges. This bigger-picture perspective helped reframe the setback, and countered the temptation to see only waste and harm in the trial we experienced as a family the day the garage door went up midday.

To quote Rick Warren, pastor and author of the globally successful book, The Purpose-driven Life:

There is no growth without change, no change without fear or loss, and no loss without pain.

Over the years, Jim and I have noticed a pattern in our journey – a recurring theme we summarize this way:

 If we had not been through that, we would not have been prepared for this.

 In other words, when we reflect on a season of trial, once on the other side of it, we can see that what we learned or how it changed us was a necessary capacity expansion in order to be equipped to meet what came next. This is a real-life example of one of the strategies I share later: visualizing a peaceful or purposeful outcome. In my worldview, that outcome is often a sense of growth and meaning – a way to find purpose in the pain.

As I immersed myself in the research for this article I came to the realization that no matter the type of intervention - therapies such as Acceptance and Commitment or Cognitive Behavioral or Somatic Experiencing, or the simple, everyday strategies shared at the end of this post –  two ingredients are essential: acceptance and commitment.

I can choose to let a car go by- not get in it!

For me, acceptance means internalizing how my mind will always produce some amount of negative thoughts. That is what the brain is designed to do. But treating thoughts simply as mental activity, and not facts, I can commit to changing my strategy from trying to eliminate unhelpful thoughts to instead, stripping them of power by releasing them rather than latching onto them. (i.e. Don’t get in the cars - let them drive on by.)

My hope is I have offered you a layperson’s understanding of the interplay of our distress emotions and the loops that can entangle us when we are not actively aware of them and intentionally countering the brain’s negativity bias.

To support your ongoing growth and resilience, I leave you with a set of practical strategies – and a few reflection questions - to engage both your mind and body in the process of breaking fear-based patterns.

Questions for exploring...

1.      What comes to mind from your own life when you read about my family crisis and the neurobiological responses that followed? Can you identify a time when you have experienced a similar cycle of  fear, worry, and anxiety?

2.      Have you experienced breaking through such a cycle? What helped you recognize what was happening in your mind and body, and interrupt the fear loop?

3.      What kind of support do you need to consistently practice regulating your distress emotions when a crisis arises?

4.      What is one step you could take this week towards building a more reliable response to or disruption of fear loops?

 ******************************************************************************************

12 Doable Strategies for Reducing Fear Loop Cycles and Their Effects

1. Practice Present-Moment Awareness

Gently redirect your attention from past regrets or future worries to what’s happening right now. This helps break the cycle of fear by grounding you in the only moment you can actually influence—the present.

2. Use the “5-4-3-2-1” Grounding Technique

This simple sensory exercise can be helpful in pulling you out of fear loops fast:

Name:

• 5 things you can see

• 4 things you can feel

• 3 things you can hear

• 2 things you can smell

• 1 thing you can taste

3. Nurture Your Spiritual Core

Feed your inner life through prayer, medita0on, or reflec0on. For example, trus0ng in God’s love, care, and sovereignty over all 0me—past, present, and future—can ease the grip of fear and ins0ll peace.

4. Use Breath and Senses to Anchor Yourself

Engage in practices like deep breathing, grounding exercises, or mindful observation. These help regulate the nervous system and bring you back to your body and the moment at hand.

5. Reframe Thoughts as Mental Activity, Not Absolute Truth

Recognize that thoughts are not facts. Picture them like cars driving by on a road—some helpful, some not. You can’t stop the traffic, but you can choose not to get in the vehicles that lead to distress. Let unhelpful thoughts pass without climbing in.

6. Label the Fear

Simply naming what you're experiencing—“This is anxiety,” “This is fear”—can reduce its intensity. It gives your brain some distance and keeps you from going fully swept into the emo0onal wave.

7. Challenge Catastrophic Thinking

Ask yourself: “What’s the worst that could realistically happen?” and then, “What else might happen instead?” This technique, from cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT), helps disrupt irra0onal or exaggerated fear loops.

8. Create a Safety Ritual Design

A simple daily or situa0onal rou0ne that signals safety to your nervous system—a walk, a calming cup of tea, journaling, or repea0ng a grounding phrase like “I am safe right now.”

9. Move Your Body Gently

Fear is stored not just in the mind but in the body. Try walking, stretching, or yoga to discharge excess fear energy. Even light movement can help reset your system.

10. Limit Fear-Triggering Input

Reduce your exposure to fear-inducing content like doom-scrolling, sensa0onalized news, or social media that fuels comparison or anxiety.

11. Connect with Supportive People

Isolation feeds fear. Reach out to someone who listens without judgment. Even a brief conversa0on with a friend or mentor can rewire your sense of safety and reality.

12. Visualize a Peaceful Outcome

Instead of obsessing over what could go wrong, inten0onally imagine a scenario where things work out. This helps train your brain to expect hope—not disaster.

***************************************************************************************

 You now have tools to recognize, reframe, and release fear loops. The next step is yours: start small, practice often, and share your growth with others.

Reflect: 

Which strategy will you practice this week — and how will you know it’s helping?

Journaling Prompt: 

Choose one strategy and commit to practicing it daily for seven days. At the end of the week, write about what you noticed in your body, mind, and emotions.

**My offers of support: If you contact me via ‘chat w/ me’ on Perils & Pearls, I will gift you a thirty-minute coaching session to talk about how you might develop your resilience through the struggle(s) you are currently facing.

**Or - If you are interested in having these 12 Strategies to Shift  Fear-Based Patterns as a download, contact me.

**And if you have been stirred to further explore your unique wiring – strengths, passions, challenges - & you would like to experience a strength assessment with a certified life coach, I invite you to contact me.

If you would like to follow me on this adventure, and receive notice whenever I post something new, please subscribe. (It’s simple – at the top and bottom of every page on the Perils & Pearls blog site. *No need to be a 'member.')

**A word about POSTING COMMENTS: I LV engaging with your feedback/responses to my writings! But, if you run into tech obstacles when trying to post a comment, please feel free to do as so many of you have done: Send me a private message using the "Let's Chat" option on the Perils & Pearls Home Page.

And if you know people who would benefit from the support, and/or enjoy the short writings, please share the site or a post with them. Heck, just share it on your social media…Let’s grow it together! 

Blessed to play a part ~

g