My box = Safe or stuck?

Many of you have had some exposure to the personality model of the Enneagram. As a Life Coach for over sixteen years, I have had training in and/or experience with several typographies- such as the Myers-Briggs, The Call, DISC, Strength-finders…all having their unique usefulness in helping a coaching client discover and embrace their wiring.

So, why invest in getting certified as an Enneagram Practitioner? In my experience with personality models, there is no other one that does a deep dive beneath behaviors, exploring the motivations that drive behaviors. So what? you may be asking.

Looking below the ‘what’ to uncover the ‘why’ opens up a new world of possibilities as it pertains to personal growth.

From a Christian perspective, I believe there can be no real change – aka transformation – without the work being grounded in and facilitated by God’s Spirit. To attempt change or growth outside of faith, is really just an application of willpower, which is limited both in longevity and depth.

I have personally found the Enneagram to be a powerful tool in God’s hand for His transformation process: becoming more like who He created me to be, which includes rightly reflecting the part of His character with which He embued me.

Think of the Enneagram's nine Types as nine different boxes or containers; one of which is constructed at a young age for each of us to occupy and get our needs met. (My box makes me feel safe.) Each Enneagram Type identifies a unique way of looking at ourselves, others, and the world around us. On the website of the Narrative Enneagram organization https://www.narrativeenneagram.org - they describe the Enneagram as,

A dynamic personality system that illuminates nine unique and distinct patterns of thinking, feeling, and acting. Our Type determines what we pay attention to and how we direct our energy.

Because our dominant Type is a filter through which we view everything, what comes with that are blind spots – perspectives, problem sources and solutions we cannot see. This singular view also causes us to project our perspective on others, meaning we view our way of looking at something as THE way/the best way to view it; therefore, any other perspective is just someone who needs to get to seeing it our way.

As Richard Rohr has so aptly articulated:

Most people don’t see things the way they ARE; they see things the way THEY are.

You can probably see how broadening our ability to see beyond our perspective, represented in our dominant Type, could have significant positive effects on relationships, right? Well, the work has to start with seeing ourselves as we really are, instead of as we believe ourselves to be and project to others. And that starts with establishing and growing our self-awareness.

As Sheryl Sandberg (former Facebook executive) said: We cannot change what we are not aware of.

Let me get personal…I am a Type Three, which is also called “The Performer/Achiever.” Threes are all about setting and achieving goals, being efficient and good optimizers. Also a part of our Type structure, we are prone to ‘morph’ into whatever shape is needed to gain the present audience’s approval, and even admiration. We believe the lie that to be loved we must perform, achieve, succeed.

So, what can happen when I am in a situation where goals aren’t the goal? Where optimizing isn’t the best goal?

Well, if I am operating out of my Type Three structure, sans awareness, I miss whatever opportunity was there to connect with what was most important – even overlooking how my own values may be at stake in the moment. (I'm stuck in - impeded by- my box, right?)

It wasn’t until I did quite a bit of exploring – and prayer – regarding identifying my false self from my true self (biblically-speaking, ‘old man versus new man’- Eph. 4:22-24), that I could start being consciously aware of when I was making a choice to stay limited to my Type’s perspective, instead of realizing there are many other ways of looking at something – none of them superior or inferior, but perhaps one of them the best, or better perspective for that particular situation.

I believe growth follows awareness surrendered. Only then am I positioned to see what He wants, then want what He wants.

I have dozens of stories I could share about how my awareness surrendered has produced fruit in my life and my ability to really see an ‘other,’ and love better. My Yes to the Enneagram training has been an invaluable element in this part of my journey. And as is always true, God’s timing in bringing it to me was perfect!

Discovering your Enneagram Type can be a starting point, or a step in the journey, of getting to know your true self from your false self; and from there, experiencing the freedom of seeing yourself and others through the true lens of our Creator God.

In future posts, I will share more about the Enneagram as a tool of transformation. If you have questions about it, please send them to me. If you would like a professional partner for exploring your Type, let me know. (I do Enneagram Typing Interviews over Zoom for helping others discover and embrace their wiring.)

Would you consider these questions?...

How did the container you created and occupied in your childhood help/serve you? How is it possibly impeding you in adulthood?

Which relationships in your life could be improved by gaining a greater awareness of how others experience you?

If you would like to follow me on this adventure, and receive notice whenever I post something new, please subscribe. (It’s simple – at the bottom of every page on the Perils & Pearls blog site. *No need to be a 'member.')

And if you know people who would benefit from the support, and/or enjoy the short writings, please share the site or a post with them. Heck, just share it on your social media…Let’s grow it together!

Blessed to play a part ~

g

TMTD (Teach Me to Dance)

[In case you haven’t checked out the ‘so much more’ to be found in the menu of my blog site: Perils & Pearls - https://www.perilsandpearls.com , I have a page just for sharing my passion for music. I invite you to take a peek, sample a tune and then get into your Spotify app and enjoy the full versions. And keep coming back to this page because I change the music whenever I’m (or my feet) are moved!]

Although I’m aware it isn’t true for everyone, music has always been an easy channel for me to connect with God. I can find others’ words put to music that speak my mind and heart in that moment, and through that medium, bring everything to Him, to His throne room – whatever my disposition or need.

I feel heard and unburdened through my singing prayers, whether I am crying out for help/to be rescued, or bubbling over with gratitude for all He is and brings into my life, or lifting up someone else in my sphere – pleading their case or worshipping as them (which is quite different from worshipping for or with them…but that’s another blog post...). And there are many times God speaks back to me through the music as well. He uses everything – whatever means needed to get His messages to us, doesn’t He? He never tires in His pursuit of our hearts!

I just posted a song about which I’d like to share more with you. The song is Teach Me to Dance by Jervis Campbell. He is a current singer-songwriter in the Christian genre. It is not a new song- it came out in 2018- but its message has repeatedly spoken for me, especially during times of confusion or turmoil in my journey. (Spotify identified that song as my #1 most-played track of that year!)

It’s about choosing to stay the course – and trust God - even when it seems dark or unknown, or when you are just worn out by the battles you’re fighting. And it speaks about a rhythm, a dance, where you are allowing God to lead, to set the pace, and as you follow His lead you experience His peace.

“Are you tired? Worn out? Burned out on religion? Come to me. Get away with me and you’ll recover your life. I’ll show you how to take a real rest. Walk with me and work with me—watch how I do it. Learn the unforced rhythms of grace. I won’t lay anything heavy or ill-fitting on you. Keep company with me and you’ll learn to live freely and lightly.” [Matt.11:28-30]

May I share one more connection for me with this particular song? I am a skate-skier (Wow, did I actually call myself that?), who didn’t take up the sport until I was fifty-five (– yeah, that’s right, 55)! And although I have been athletic my whole life, participating in multiple sports per season, skate-skiing was (and is) the hardest thing I ever took on!

I’m sure there are a lot of future blog posts held inside my nine years of trying to tip the scales towards having more fun than pain; but in this moment, I just want to share one nugget.

Each ski season I try to narrow the dozens of things I do incorrectly in my skating and poling motions down to a few key phrases to focus on. My husband taught me to call this type of shorthand ‘swing keys’ (as used in the sport of golf).

Would you be surprised to hear that every year, after I have formed my swing keys and started to execute them, the Lord starts talking to me about the deeper meaning – the message He has for me, held inside those three-to-five-word phrases?! Ha- I love His clever ways of tucking in a teaching!

Well, this ski season, I can happily say my swing key brought me more joy than instruction:

“Don’t be afraid to dance”! Ahh…. I finally feel stable enough with my balance and weight shift between my right and left ski/foot that I can actually feel a kind of dancing wanting to happen as I skate on the snow tracks. But, at first, I fought this feeling; it felt de-stabilizing, risky even. I didn’t want to fall!

Now you may have already put this altogether, but let me bring this full circle: The opening of this ski season matched the launch of my Perils & Pearls passion project! Can you see it with me?

As I took steps towards bringing life to the vision in my head and heart, I heard fear saying: “Oh, don’t start dancing around with these ideas about broadcast coaching! Nobody is going to get it… What is Perils & Pearls anyway?! It’s too risky; you will surely fall!”

And then a louder voice in me said; “Don’t be afraid to dance, My Beloved! Just follow My lead.”

Teach Me to Dance

There's a storm deep inside me raging with thunder And I know I can't hide it for the tempest it comes I can feel it all, the weight of my burdens I know that I can't do this alone

There's a road set before me, oh, I can see it Don't know where it's going but Lord, I'm afraid And I have heard the sound, oh, the sound of revival I just want to walk here in Your ways

I want it straight in the heart, feed me Your fire And I know it's so hard but out of darkness I'll choose 'Cause You are my everything, I want to meet my Maker Oh, teach me to dance so I can dance with You Teach me to dance so I can dance with You

And these chains that bound me, break them in glory And don't let me hide it for Your kingdom it comes Oh, the water runs deep, a living testimony I know You remain even when I fade 'Cause I know You remain even when I fade

I want it straight in the heart, feed me Your fire And I know it's so hard but out of darkness I'll choose 'Cause You are my everything, I want to meet my Maker Oh, teach me to dance so I can dance with You Teach me to dance so I can dance with You

My prayer over you:

Oh Lord, You see the worn-out in us – our hearts, our souls, even our bodies, carrying the fatigue of the battle. And each person reading this has unique battles with which she or he are contending. And not only are You intimately acquainted with every one of their fights, but You. Are. There. In it. With each one. Help us to find where You are in the midst of our chaos, for we know that keeping our eyes on You is where our hope lies.

I pray Matt 11-28-30 over each person reading – that each would hear and respond to Your personal invitation to bring their tired, burned-out, worn-out self to you. That You would whisk them away from their battle fields to be refreshed and restored by You. That You would show them what real r & r is.

That they would accept Your offer to teach and model a restful rhythm in which to flow and thrive as they walk with You. Reaffirm to each heart that Your plan for their life will fit how You made them; and because of that fit, they will be able to live freely and lightly. Oh how You desire to dance with each of us!

Amen.

Might you consider?...

Can you name the things that can move or keep you out of the unforced rhythms of His grace? What moves you (back) into His rhythm?

*Feel free to write me with your thoughts and questions on that.

If you would like to follow me on this adventure, and receive notice whenever I post something new, please subscribe. (It’s simple – at the bottom of every page on the Perils & Pearls blog site.)

And if you know people who would benefit from the support, and/or enjoy the short writings, please share the site or a post with them. Heck, just share it on your social media…Let’s grow it together!

Blessed to play a part~

g

Swept into the Sea

A journey starts with one single story. Here’s one of my earliest…

[Prelude: I know I came into this world being wanted. I was the first girl, after two boys, in what would become a brood of sorts, with six boys and three girls on the final score card. My mother was only in her mid-twenties when I came along – still trying to figure out the whole mother/housewife/wife thing, but with three preschoolers with immediate needs at her heels. From all accounts, she felt ill-prepared for any of those roles. I would not come to fully understand that until I too was a young, overwhelmed mother and wife. You could rightly sum up our (Ron’s and my) teenage marriage and parenthood onset as: kids having kids.]

…I don’t remember this happening. I was about 2 years old. it was during my dad’s stint as a successful businessman in Southern California. But I’ve been told the story many times over the years, so I think my brain has internalized it as my memory.

My mom took me and my two older brothers to the beach with her girlfriend (I’ll call her Judy), who was also a neighbor. As everyone was enjoying the lapping waves and their feet in the sand, no one noticed the tide was rising. I was on the blanket napping. All of a sudden, me and the blanket were being carried into the ocean. There was a frantic realization by the women that the baby girl was going out to sea!

Judy was the one who gathered her wits and came running into the water to fetch me out before the current of the undertow could have its way. I was rescued from danger - even possible death that day. In those scary moments of watching me be overwhelmed by the waves, my mom felt paralyzed to save me because she was afraid of the water. She did not know how to swim. Nonetheless, my story didn’t end there. I was carried back to safety.

Although she became a strong woman of faith over the decades to come, my mother admitted in her last years of full cognition she had lived her whole life in fear.

Hmm…Does it seem like a contradiction to proclaim faith in a limitless God and yet have hidden, unnamed fears holding power over you for a lifetime?

Well, now, having walked this world for six decades, being married for forty-six years, and having raised two children as a very young Christian mother, I can attest to how it is both possible and likely all of us will experience both of those states of mind and heart – repeatedly, over the course of our jagged-edged journeys. My thought: Feeling ill-equipped is part of the job description of a new mother, regardless of her age!

But what about this idea of unnamed fear having power over someone who has sure faith? For me, it has been about learning to acknowledge the trauma as well as the trust. You might have heard it said:

You cannot heal what you don’t feel. You must name it to tame it.

These rhymes for remembering are pointing to the reality of our human design: God gave us emotions and reasoning, the capacity for holding memories and culpability. He didn’t intend for us to deny or hide parts of our human experience. And I don’t believe it’s a spiritual badge of honor to do so. He wants us to bring all of it – feeling the feelings, acknowledging the pain, naming the fears – to Him. That He might walk back with us to the sources of those feelings and pain, and reassure us that He was there during every scary moment. Our trust is demonstrated in taking His offered hand to journey back.

It took me over 5 decades to put together and digest what that early account foretold about my forming and my future. Only God could know that so many years later, in my layered journey of healing, He would bring me to this scripture and accompany me back to perilous episodes such as this, reassuring me that it was Him Who Parts Seas, who carried me, instead of the waves.

The Lord is my protector; he is my strong fortress. My God is my protection and with him I am safe. He protects me like a shield; he defends me and keeps me safe.

He is my savior; he protects me and saves me from violence. I call to the Lord, and he saves me from my enemies. Praise the Lord!

The waves of death were all around me; the waves of destruction rolled over

me.

The danger of death was around me, and the grave set its trap for me. In my trouble I called to the Lord; I called to my God for help.

In his temple he heard my voice; he listened to my cry for help. (2 Samuel 22:2-7)

Sometimes when our rescue doesn’t happen how we expect - or by whom we expect - we default to not believing the promises God gives in scriptures such as this passage in 2 Samuel - He is your protector, your fortress, your shield, your defender. And in Deuteronomy 31:8, and repeated in Hebrews 13:5, He promises He will never leave you nor forsake you.

My heart for you as you reenter the day you stepped away from for a minute to read this, is to know that your story – of traumas, trials, and trust - is important to Him. And that you might be bolstered by what I too am convinced of:

I'm convinced: You, [Lord] can do anything and everything. Nothing and no one can upset Your plans. (Job 42:2)

He has a plan for you. It was in place before you were conceived. Every day of your life has already been recorded- known to Him. (Psalm 139) Even the pain & heartache was foreknown. But He is right there with you- always has been.

And He has jewels such as pearls for you and me to gather all along our priceless, and sometimes perilous, paths.

Could you consider?...

Even though you will not always know the how, when or by whom, could you see yourself trusting Him to rescue you; to rescue your heart, and your story? Why or why not?

*Feel free to write me with your thoughts and questions on that.

If you would like to follow me on this adventure, and receive notice whenever I post something new, please subscribe. (It’s simple – at the bottom of every page on the Perils & Pearls blog site.)

And if you know people who would benefit from the support, and/or enjoy the short writings, please share the site or a post with them. Heck, just share it on your social media…Let’s grow it together!

Blessed to play a part ~

g