Part 4: Escaping the Happiness Trap—Shifting Thought Patterns

You can change your relationship w/ thoughts

This is Part 4 of a series on thought loops that can be formed from fear, worry and anxiety - how we can get trapped in them and how to break free from them. (If you want to read the first three in this blog series go here.)

In the previous post (Part 3), I covered the distinctions between the three distress emotions - fear, worry, and anxiety - how each contributes to a fear loop. I also defined ‘feedback loops’ and differentiated ‘negative’ and ‘positive’ feedback loops. I finished with an invitation to consider which distress emotion shows up most often in your story, and how it may keep you stuck in a loop.

Now I’m excited to share a valuable resource that was a gamechanger in my personal quest to transform how I relate to the thoughts that are at the core of these distress loops. Read on...

The Happiness Trap Impact: Recognize the Loop for What It Is

Many years ago a therapist introduced me to a life-changing book: The Happiness Trap by Russ Harris. The book is about learning how to accept pain as a part of life and deal with it productively. The author advocates ACT, Acceptance and Commitment Therapy, for remaking your perspective on and response to painful feelings and thoughts.

I experienced numerous epiphanies over the course of multiple readings of the book, including a more rational way to look at thoughts: as mental activity not facts, accepting difficult thoughts rather than fighting them, and being more committed to aligning my life with my personal values and what that might look like in practice.

A couple of key insights I gained from the book, and have since intentionally focused on:

Psychological flexibility: the ability to stay present and take value-based action even in the face of emotional pain.

Another valuable, yet seemingly simple realization was:

 Avoidance of negative thoughts or feelings often makes suffering worse.

Thoughts are like cars, circling in your mind

But what proved to be the most impactful and applicable takeaway for me was Harris’s metaphor:

Cars endlessly circling — a vivid image that captured the cognitive shift I desired.

In this metaphor, the cars represent our thoughts, and we are hard-wired for more negative thoughts, (referred to as a negativity bias), out of the vigilance necessary to detect any possible threat to our survival. Hence, we are naturally inclined to produce self-protective, even suspicious, thoughts.

But just because a thought keeps circling in my head, does not mean it is or becomes reality or fact. The key is accepting that there will always be negative or foreboding thoughts circling; but I have a choice to ‘not get in the car’, to let it drive on by. In other words, I cannot stop the traffic, but I can choose not to get in the vehicles that lead to distress. Let unhelpful thoughts pass without climbing in.

Because of the simplicity of this visual of circling cars, I have found it a reliable go-to when I am in the moment of realizing my nervous system is being hijacked (or carjacked) by some thought that is trying to assert itself as a fact. It is really one kind of loop keeping me out of another kind of loop! 

As the neurobiology adage goes: practice makes permanent. By consistently applying this insight, I have gained something lasting: the recognition that thoughts are mental activity, not facts.  

I may not be able to stop negative thoughts from forming, but I can strip them of their power by changing how I relate to them. This has become a reliable tool in my ongoing effort to step out of – or stay out of - the fear feedback loop.

You can choose which car to get in

I hope you have been stirred to consider adopting the transformative truth that thoughts are not facts. And perhaps, like me, the simple image of circling cars will stick with you and prompt the choice we all have to not get in the cars that represent the unhelpful thoughts that can lead to being trapped in disabling fear loops.

Remember: Thoughts may keep circling, but you don’t have to get in every car that passes by. With practice, you can develop your ability to stay present and take value-based action (psychological flexibility) - even in moments of emotional pain - and choose to which thoughts you give your attention and energy; rather than feeling powerless to avoid the mental trap of the distress emotions that life's challenges can bring.

Coming up next: The last in this series, where I will share an important resource for taking what we have learned together about our distress emotions and turning it into action. Specifically, I will share: 12 Practical Strategies to Shift Fear-Based Patterns. These very doable techniques will load your toolbox for changing your relationship with thoughts; and in turn, empowering you to escape or avoid debilitating fear loops.

Meanwhile...For reflection:

Picture the cars circling in your mind...What thought keeps circling in your head — and how would it change your day if you let it drive by instead of climbing in?

Invitation to journal:

List three thoughts that circle most often. For each, write down what would happen if you simply observed it rather than acted on it.

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Blessed to play a part ~

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