Part 1: Are Transitions Just Disruptions, Or Are They Invitations?

Turning Tricky Transitions into Transformation

Welcome to a series of blog posts re: the topic of Turning Tricky Transitions into Transformation. In a recent article I wrote for the American Institute of Stress (AIS), I explored the notion of reframing disruption as growth. In this first of five parts, enjoy the set-up: the story of Geri pulling Jim (not my husband’s real name) into yet another boundary-stretching adventure!

We are all familiar with the aphorism: The only constant in life is change. And it is a true-ism that change is inevitable, but growth is optional.  Or said differently: No growth without change. But how we navigate the transitions inherent to the change process will determine whether the result is lasting transformation.

Transition is the inner process of letting go of the old reality and integrating a new identity; and transformation is the desired outcome that emerges from that process of releasing and realigning.

In William Bridges’ Managing Transitions, he says,

Change is situational… but transition is the psychological process people go through to come to terms with the new situation.

Through my work as a life coach, as well as in my own lived experience, the appropriate preparations, expectations, tools and support are everything for successfully moving through the transitions of the change process into genuine transformation.

Is it Disruption or Life Inviting You to Grow?

One of the joys of a lifelong relationship is the knowables: how my husband created security for our family by managing our finances skillfully; the knack I had for embarrassing our kids in their high school years by showing up to their sporting events by bicycle; how Jim would invite me to pick the restaurant on date night, only to respond with the classic “ew, yuck” face no matter what I chose.

And then, there’s...

 the five-decade history of me enticing him into something new with varying degrees of discomfort or distress associated. Jim has come to expect that when I draw him into novel environments, he will be presented with unfamiliar experiences that call upon his intrepid spirit of discovery.

Over the years, he has learned that the truest preparation for these forays goes beyond being physically fit; it’s about loosening his grip on certainty and strengthening his capacity for the untried.

With openness to adventure comes the realization that what feels like disruption is often an invitation to grow - in fact, the two are inseparable.

Here’s a story about a classic Geri and Jim escapade...

Some fifteen or so years ago, we were celebrating a milestone anniversary and decided on a trip to Maui to mark it. On our first day there we toured the beach associated with our resort, and I made a mental note that they had rentals of human-powered watercraft available.

Hm, I have been dying to try those boards where you stand up on them and paddle around the water.

So the next day, once we got settled into a spot on the beach, I started my sales pitch about what a great opportunity this would be to try a new water sport while getting some moderate exercise. Well, let's just say, my daughter claims I could sell ketchup popsicles to a lady in white gloves! Within the hour, we were renting stand-up paddle-boards (SUPs).

I seemed to get the hang of it pretty quickly, thanks to my Pilates training. For my muscular, weight-lifting husband, it was a bit trickier.

But his pathway to paddling the ocean while standing on a 30-inch-wide board not much broader than his shoulders, was not only entertainment for the whole beach audience, but an illustration of navigating transitions.

I was out beyond the nearest break of waves, paddling just enough to stay in place so I could relay to Jim what had been a successful process for me to get from standing in the water beside the board to mounting it, moving to being on my knees, then finally, ascending to a standing position.

But each time he jumped above the vacillating water level to throw himself onto the board, the water movement countered his motion and the board just flipped from under his hands to a few feet out of reach. It did not take but a couple of rounds of this antic to draw the attention of the vacationing audience.

Within ten minutes, the whole beach crowd was engaged in Jim’s learning curve.

From my vantage point I was able to take in both the player and the fans, and as the scene unfolded, it felt somewhere between a sociology experiment and a gladiator event! The universal agony and ecstasy of being challenged with something new, in front of a crowd of strangers, instantly bonded everyone to root for the underdog.

When Jim mastered the initiation move and got his whole body onto the narrow slab of hard, molded plastic, several people clapped or shouted, “Yay!”

But Jim had more treacherous transitions to come...Next he had to figure out how to reposition his mass from the belly-down position, still panting from the mounting maneuver, to balancing the board from a kneeling stance.

Just then, help arrived! A loud deep voice coming from the direction of the brush-obscured road above the beach, began shouting encouragement to Jim. He apparently fancied himself a SUP coach and rallied the beachside onlookers to a higher pitch of cheering. When Jim made it to his knees, his coach’s animated voice resounded with pride.

Then came the final transition: from knees to a full standing position in the middle of the board.

As relentless as the constantly shifting water beneath Jim, the coach kept firing instructions on what needed modified for Jim’s SUP success.

By now, most of the sand fans were standing, totally invested in Jim conquering this conundrum, as though it symbolized whatever challenges they were facing in their lives beyond vacation mode.

I am happy to report the story ended well. Jim did make it to a full upright stance, to the glee of his enthusiastic supporters and his intense, commanding coach.

When Jim got back to shore, he was exhausted from not only the physical toll of the challenge, but also the drain of his nervous system’s stress response and the adrenaline rush that enabled him to see it through. His exhilaration from the conquest became apparent as the awaiting beachcombers formed a line to hail him conquering hero and offer high-fives.

There was something uplifting and hopeful for everyone in witnessing Jim’s visible vulnerability as he navigated tricky transitions to reap a transformation of sorts. I believe we can all see ourselves in Jim’s story.

The onlookers had vicariously experienced their own arc of transitions: from challenge to overcoming to triumph.

From Challenge to Overcoming to Triumph!

Jim and I went on to add stand-up paddle-boarding to our many modes of immersing ourselves in the outdoors, purchasing our own boards and paddling waters in rivers, lakes and seas throughout our travels. The key to Jim getting from this nerve-racking origin story to growing to love paddle-boarding? Doing the research to find a board proportioned for his size. It turns out, proper preparation was the lesson learned in this round of  J & G adventures.

And so, what began as a daunting series of transitions - from sure-footed standing in the water, to tentative mounting, to wavering balance atop the board - slowly revealed itself as something more: the conditions for genuine transformation.

Stay tuned as I continue this series...Next time I will get into why words matter: transition versus transformation.

In the meantime, might you consider pondering...

·      Where are you in the process? Are you actively in a transition right now?

·      Do you feel ‘under it’ or ‘over it’? Describe what that feels like.

·      What is the invitation inside of the disruption? What transformation are you hoping for or perhaps can see forming?

·      What is 1 thing you can do to proactively move through the disruption in a way that leads to transformation—not just survival?

**My offer: If you have been stirred to further explore where you are in your story arc, and would like a professional partner to come alongside you, I invite you to contact me.

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Blessed to play a part ~

g